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The Dinner Jacket is a hip little Ottawa-based online magazine, dedicated to exposing the stylish, the brave, the gritty and the demure. Armed with the creativity, wit and charm of some of Ottawa's best up-and-coming writers, photographers, artists and visionaries, The Dinner Jacket presents a different view on fashion, music, food and culture in each new issue.

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You can view more previous issues of The Dinner Jacket online at www.thedinnerjacket.com.

Demise! Divorce! Disassociation! Deplorable D-Words, and the worst one of all, the D-list!

The New Year has certainly thrown a wrench into the Dame’s plans! With the New Year came another set of divorce papers, to disband yet another dire marriage. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming, however.

Dinner Jacket

Like so many third marriages, the excitement surrounding the event, and the love that it celebrated made another nuptial seem like such a perfect idea, but in actual fact it only left to fester our greatest dissatisfactions with one another. His having to do with my over spending, self-indulgent idiosyncrasies, and mine with his over-bearing, overdone husbanding. But nevermore, the Dame will leave yet another marriage composed and determined to survive. Let me share with you a little secret…

To celebrate one's newfound divorcee disposition, re-decorating one's face is a must. No better way to mend a dried up heart than with a renewed sense of skin. Dame can think of nothing worse than bumping into her next great love with a face crackling like a week old croissant after all. No, no, it isn’t what you think, facelifts are disturbingly gauche, but the cold weather’s unforgiving will must be tempered somehow. To begin, Dame slathers herself with la creme de la creme, head to toe in Creme de la Mer.

"It won’t be tears that moisturize this
face of a hundred years!"

Next, and most importantly to avoid the d-list of divorcees, I adorn myself in the chic classicalism of Chanel and immediately sweep my way into a bottle of Dom Perignon. A discordant heart can never oppose devouring the light sumptuousness of a fine champagne. In fact, its healing powers are of true divinity. This paired with expensive caviar and devonshire cream should never be underestimated, for if consumed once a week, ones heart can again feel full of desire.

But what of those cold Ottawa winter nights, when one's heart pangs of loneliness? Never fret, Dame demands you meander to your den, where all is safe and warm. Pour yourself a ripened sherry and divulge your anguish. Deprecation is allowed but five minutes, however. So while you sip to nullify, the Dame recommends crawling beneath a warm cashmere throw, in front of a roaring fire, and reflecting on life to the sweetest song for dry hearts, Clair de lune. Literally meaning ‘light of the moon’, this French piano suite can have even the most regal of Dames in a heart-panging distress. But haste, once your time is up, wipe your tears and discontinue sorrow…dessert harkens your slumped soul to make new again.

So on this note the Dame must insist, let not your heart wait, divulge when in distress, if not for amour de moi, then for what?

C’est la vie, dry heart, there is another love around the corner.